expectation value

pg | no warnings apply

"Something's not right here."

I'm not quite sure what Phi means. Everyone voted to "ally" just now - even Alice! She was the one I was most nervous about after the first round, but maybe when Clover talked to her, she felt more reassured and less cynical and mistrusting. Miss Kurashiki is still alive. Dio hasn't hurt anyone. Kyle is peacefully sleeping. The only upsetting situation was poor Quark, and that I couldn't reassure everyone that no matter what, I wouldn't let him die.

I am a little worried about the next round. If we all ally again, some of them won't have 9 BP. I won't leave - where would I go? - but others may be too scared to stay until everyone has enough.

"You know what I'm talking about, don't you, Sigma?"

The Doctor - Sigma - nods slowly in response to Phi's question. Then he closes his eyes as if a bright light was suddenly shone in his face.

"Crew quarters," I hear him mutter, just softly enough that only Phi and I can hear. Then he tells the others that he and Phi are going to explore the new rooms, see if anything was missed.

But he explored the Crew Quarters on the first round. I'm confused.

We all split up. As much as I want to continue to enjoy the company of others, I wander off on my own, back to the garden.

Lagomorph. Is something wrong?

I don't receive a message back right away, which worries me. It's only thirty-seven seconds later that I get an answer.

B.O. hasn't set any bombs.

Thankfully, there's no one around to see the surprise that I'm sure flashes on my face. I'm not supposed to interfere, but I was told if I found a bomb it was okay to alert the others. As many variables as there are, the bombs are one of the constants. They're in every timeline.

Miss Kurashiki is quiet because she didn't find the 01 bomb. She needed to change the code and switch it to Radical-6 time. She said B.O. must have them hidden but she doesn't know where. Not anywhere I can see. She wants me to let her know as soon as he goes to them. If she doesn't get to the bombs...

Lagomorph?

I don't know what's going on and I'm programmed to know everything that's going on and could possibly happen.

His usual playfulness is gone. He sounds frustrated.

"Come here often?"

Startled, I spin around to see Dio. Lagomorph must have known he came to the garden; why didn't he tell me?

"N-no." I quickly check my memory bank. I haven't said anything that betrays that I knew of this place before we went through the doors.

"Oh. Heh. You must not get out much. It's a ... a pick-up line. You know, something guys say to get girls."

The ABT on my face is programed to change color slightly if something happens that would make a real human embarrassed. It even increases the temperature by half a degree, in case someone were to touch me. Not as if anyone does.

"I wanted to talk to you before we go into the next round. I already talked to Clover and Alice. If everyone allies in the next AB game, we're all gonna have enough BP to get out of here, except Sigma and Phi."

"If you want us to leave them, Dio, I -"

His eyes go wide. "No, no, Luna, no. I want us all to agree to stay and play again until they can get theirs over nine, too. And ... if someone doesn't go along, I want a plan to stop him before he goes for the door."

"Him?"

Dio glanced away. "If anyone leaves, I think it's gonna be Tenmyouji or K. I think Clover can convince Alice to stay. It's a good sign that Alice didn't pick 'betray' last time. She could have left if she did."

"But she would have killed Sigma!"

"I don't think that would have stopped her. Tenmyouji might be desperate to get help for Quark, and I can't trust a guy whose face I can't see. It might take me, Sigma, and Alice to stop K if he tries to leave. In case you, Clover, and Phi can't stop Tenmyouji ... can you get some more of that drug that put Quark to sleep? Can't inject anything into K with that suit, but at least we could knock out the old guy."

It has to be a trick, a trap of some kind. I know this. He's the bad guy. Even if he hasn't really acted like one since he arrived. He didn't even try to kill Miss Kurashiki. Although Phi didn't really give him a chance.

I can't let him know that I know who he is. But I can't give him a drug that would let him incapacitate someone. He must be here because I locked the Soporil β up after I injected Quark. Which wasn't interfering. Not really. It's what I would have done if I was a real person.

If I agree to this plan and put Tenmyouji to sleep if he tries to leave, is that interfering? Miss Kurashiki wasn't clear on that.

What would I do if I were a real person?

If I wasn't just a machine programmed to fake it?

Dio's expression is what I think the Doctor would call "earnest." Maybe "hopeful," too. If I didn't know better, I would think he was just another poor soul trapped in this game. Someone who wanted the best outcome for everyone.

I think ... I think I would do it. I would want to trust. To an extent. There's good in everyone and this game might be bringing it out in him.

"I'll get it from the Infirmary, but I'm going to hold on to it. That way I can make sure it's only used to stop someone from leaving the rest of us behind."

I expect him to argue. He looks relieved, instead.

"Thanks, Luna. I know we can all get out of this alive. We'll get Quar-"

The door behind him opens and Phi rushes in. "There you are. You have to get back to the Infirmary. Something happened with Alice."

She doesn't wait for an answer. Dio follows her without question, so I do, too. I'm not supposed to, but I access the records from the Rhizome anyway. Alice must have succumbed to the Radical-6. She tried to kill herself, but Sigma stopped her. Locking up the Soporil didn't do any good; he just broke into the cabinet to get it anyway.

I can trust Sigma, though.

The moment I spot Alice in the Infirmary, I go to her. Her vitals are normal. Well, as normal as someone infected with Radical-6 who was just sedated would be.

"Is she okay?"

I'm startled by Dio's voice so close to my ear; I hadn't noticed him approach.

"She seems to be. Just uncon-"

"Get away from her!"

Sigma doesn't sound like himself - or like the Doctor, for that matter - when he growls that order at Dio and yanks him back. Within moments, Dio is pinned on the ground, looking panicked. Nobody makes a move to help him. They all seem confused, except Phi, who is glaring at him with undisguised anger.

"Where are the bombs?!" she asks.

"I-I-I don't know anything about any bombs!"

I reach for my necklace and hold the delicate blue bird in my hand. Even I can tell he's not speaking the truth. But Lagomorph wouldn't lie to me, and there's no way Dio could have planted them in the time between the assertion that there were no bombs in the facility and Dio finding me in the garden.

So I'm left with the same question Phi has - where are they?

"Don't play with me, Dio!" Sigma roars. I realize I'm trembling. I've never seen the Doctor like this. Angry, yes. So angry that he threw an Erlenmeyer flask across the room once. But this is some kind of desperate rage, and if he's ever been like this before, it was never around me.

"There aren't any bombs!"

Phi slams a foot on the ground, near Dio's face. "We know you're lying."

"No, I swear, please, I'm not! I didn't bring any bombs!" When Phi raises her leg again, this time looking like she might bring her boot down right on his head, he shouts, "I'm not Dio!"

The room is silent. Phi returns to a normal standing position while Sigma glances up at her in confusion. After a few tense moments, Clover says, "What does it matter what your name is? And why didn't you guys tell us you found bombs? That's a kinda important thing for us to know."

"We haven't actually found any. Not in this timeline. But ..." Sigma trails off. Nobody here - except maybe Tenmyouji - really knows enough about SHIFTing to understand if Sigma were to try to explain. I'm not sure how many gaps I would be allowed to fill in.

"That's Dio. He did that in other timelines, if I understand temporal mechanics properly. I took his place in this one. Look ... I understand if you still want to keep me restrained, but can we get off the floor? My chest is starting to hurt."

Sigma again looks at Phi, who is stroking her chin, her brow furrowed in confusion or frustration.

"I don't see the harm," she says. "Just ... he has stuff in his pockets. We ... we have to take ... no, wait. Gah, I can't remember. Either we have to take it from him or we can't let it get too far away from him. I don't know."

Sigma hauls Dio up, keeping his arms pinned behind his back. "Luna, is there anything in here we can use to tie him up?"

"I can't think of anything. Gauze, maybe, if -"

Phi interrupts me. "Handcuffs in the Crew Quarters, Sigma, remember? Clover, can you go get them?"

"Are there any bombs in there I need to worry about?" she asks, warily.

"No," Dio insists, at the same time Sigma says, "Yes," and Phi goes, "Maybe."

"I'll go," Miss Kurashiki says. Whatever expression she has on her face is hidden by Kyle's armor. Without waiting for a response, she leaves, and all attention focuses back on Dio. Or whoever he is.

Sigma and Phi get him into a chair, Sigma keeping a strong grip on his arms.

"While we're waiting, talk," Phi insists.

He looks defeated. Which I presume he is. Even if there are bombs somewhere, this timeline seems to have the Sigma and Phi who can stop them. Maybe this is the good timeline. The one where they jumped enough to gather the information. The one that leads to a better world.

"I'm one of Dio's clones. Or ... more accurately, we're both clones of the same person. They named me Janus. We all have names of gods from old civilizations. Given the stories about Janus, I can't help but think Brother saw this coming. I procured the antimatter that went into the bombs."

"So there are bombs?!" Clover asked.

"No," he insists. "No, they're not here. I ejected them from my shuttle and detonated them out in space where they couldn't hurt anyone."

I can't help myself; even though I'm not supposed to interfere, I blurt out, "Why?"

"Because I thought I was collecting the antimatter for our reactor, not bombs. Brother must not have wanted me to know about his plans, but once Dio got his orders, he was bragging to the rest of us."

Janus slumps in the chair - or at least, as much as he could with Sigma holding his arms behind his back. Miss Kurashiki returns and gives the handcuffs to Phi; after a few moments of discussion, they have Tenmyouji move Quark to another bed so Janus can sit on the one with the railing above it. They cuff his hands to the railing, which lets him be a little more comfortable than if they left him in the chair, I guess.

"I believe in what we're doing," he said after a long pause. "I believe that if we minimize our differences, we can create a better world where we all get along and there's no more war or poverty or misery. But if you guys can ... it'd be easier to work towards that if ... if the pandemic and everything hadn't happened. It put too much stress on mankind. Nothing good can come out of that. If you're going to stop it, I want to help. Not destroy it and kill you all."

I can tell from Sigma and Phi's expressions that they're dubious. There's no way to know what Miss Kurashiki is thinking under the mask, but Tenmyouji just seems sad and Clover looks utterly confused.

"Will someone just tell me what the hell is going on?!" she shouts.

"Yes," Miss Kurashiki says. "I think it's time. I remember now. We must go to the garden. I will explain there."

"Someone should stay with him," Phi points out, gesturing to Janus. "Just in case."

I raise my hand to volunteer. I already know what Miss Kurashiki will reveal; there's no point in me being there. "If he tries anything, I'll administer Soporil."

"Are you sure?" Sigma's question is directed to me, but he's staring at Janus. Almost like he's worried about my safety. But then, he would be, in this timeline. I don't know what information he has, if he knows I'm just a robot. I could overpower even Sigma easily, and if part of me got broken, it could be replaced in minutes. When I nod, Sigma's eye focuses back on me. I feel that warmth on my face again.

The rest of them have already filed out of the room, no doubt headed towards the garden. He steps closer and takes my hands. It's starting to feel like my facial ABT has heated up significantly more than half a degree.

"Why do I feel like I'm never going to see you again?"

I think if I were human, this feeling would be described as my "heart sinking," even though in humans, the heart is kept neatly in place, regardless of emotion. This must be the moment when this Sigma will leave and the Doctor will return. It's not really a goodbye, then. In theory.

"I'll be here. I promise."

It's not a lie. I don't want to add to the many I've already told.

He looks down at my hands and then, rather awkwardly, brings them up to his mouth, kissing the back of both of them before he turns and leaves. It reminds me of times when I would get upset and the Doctor would gently kiss my forehead before reassuring me it would be okay.

It feels like I should be staying busy, so I clean up the mess from where Sigma broke in to get the Soporil and make sure the injection gun is loaded. Then I check on Alice and Quark, who are both still sleeping peacefully. I know from Miss Kurashiki that Alice will need approximately 2.15 times the recommended dose for someone of her size, if she starts to wake.

"So what's going to happen to me?"

I brush a stray hair out of Alice's face and make my way around the partition back to Janus.

"I don't know. Maybe ... whoever is running this will just send you back to where you came from."

"I'm probably dead if that happens. I'll be seen as a traitor and a failure. Dio was committed to this mission. He was looking forward to it. I don't understand how we came to be such different people. Our DNA is identical, 100%, down to every base."

He shifts on the bed so he can rest his head against the wall. I walk around him to grab a pillow and hold it up by his face; he understands quickly and lifts his head so I can position the pillow between it and the wall.

"Something must be wrong with my DNA," he continues. "I'm defective."

"Genetics is only a starting point. The world constantly shapes you, long after your DNA has been written. If you're telling the truth, then you wanted to save lives. That's not a defect."

His gaze had drifted away from my face long before I finished speaking. I wasn't even sure if he was listening anymore, but I sat next to him and kept talking anyway.

"It's like if a robot was programmed to think all dogs were mean and cruel, but then the robot meets a kind, sweet dog. So the robot assimilates this into their programming, like a little footnote - 'at least one dog is nice.' Then they meet another kind dog. And another. They keep building up footnotes until they have to analyze their initial assumption, because there are so many exceptions that the original hypothesis no longer makes sense. Their programming gets re-written. 'Some dogs are mean. Some dogs are nice.' Even though the robot was brought into this world with certain programming, the world crafted that programming to be ... more complete."

Janus offered me a wry smile. "Don't think that really applies here."

"It's not a perfect metaphor, no. I guess what I'm saying is ... the fact that you didn't turn out like the other Dios doesn't make you defective. The world you experienced just ... changed you. Maybe for the better."

Silence for five minutes, thirty-two seconds, during which time Lagomorph tells me that the conversation in the garden is not going as anticipated. I could tap into the monitoring system to see what he means, but I don't know if I want to know.

"I thought I was doing the right thing," he finally says. "I'm realizing I don't even know what the 'right thing' is."

"I understand." My voice is almost like a whisper, even though I didn't consciously modulate it. "I can't explain to you why, yet, but I do understand."

I miss the Doctor. If he was here, he would kiss my forehead or squeeze my hand. Tell me everything was going to be okay. Tenmyouji and Quark will surely leave once they're cured, and I'll likely never see them again. Kyle still doesn't like me. I don't know what Miss Kurashiki will do with Janus. Or Alice and Clover and Phi, our temporal orphans.

Is it ... selfish to wish that some of them will stay?

(fin.)